I usually spend time talking about the work that I am doing in the third sector, or how I am missing or not missing the developing world.
Yes I am still working in the third sector, only right now I am focused on my home country. I am finding myself in a tension point of wanting to grow roots without clipping my wings, dreaming of the intense blue skies and suffocating heat while traipsing through June gloom of costal Orange County. More accurately I have been in this point of tension for the past few years. I find myself trapped in the tension point between having the freedom to follow your dreams no matter where they land you and a longing to have someone to dream with.
I have just been taught to not be public about relationships or thoughts of settling down. Heaven forbid I scare any boys off with talk of commitment or the future. OK so anyone who truly knows me knows I am more skittish that the average male about being tied down but I keep silent just in case someone who reads this might see me as needy and clingy woman with you know, emotions.
So I find myself wanting to lives that appear to be mutually exclusive. What is a girl to do? DO you choose one dream over the other? Do I settle down in the here and now and not worry about the future. What if that person that I settle with is one of those urber patriotic Americans who does not have a passport because “America is the Best country in the world” and of course he knows this because of all the other places he has been using his nonexistent passport.
So I have to keep reminding myself that I am in control, to you know, let go of my control. I want to let go in a leap of faith and make myself available, for who knows what. What is the worst that will happen? I will fail? I’ve failed at a million things. Ok maybe not but I have failed before. The question is. How exactly does one go about letting go?
