Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Random Thoughts on turning 40

I am a bicentennial baby. I was born today in 1976. I like so many of my friends I have grown up alongside have no generation we belong to & none that we fully connect with. I & we are lost souls caught between generations. I/we embrace many ethics & values of generation X while loathing & embracing so many things of generation Y aka “the millennials” we love & hate social media, we send SMS more often that we call. We are possibly the last of a generation that kind of knows how to connect with& have relationships “in real life”. I have learned on a professional level to lead & manage the youth that is rising behind me. However I was born in a year where I am young enough to fully embrace & understand technological advances but old enough to remember card catalogs & microfiche.

I have been a first adapter of tech since as long as I can remember. I got my first computer when I was 6. But I find myself hating the way social media has shaped society. I find myself living in a world where the baseline of human emotions is through facebook & only acceptable when all of life is #Epic & #Awesome & anything any type of feeling expressed in negative to epic & awesome is viewed as drama or possibly categorized as #depressive or #suicidal even though a decade ago the feelings of life would have been acceptable as feelings people sometimes have... feelings are what separate Humanity from the animal kingdom? Also, George Orwell talked about this in his #Epic book 1984

Turning 40 inspired me to look back on my life. This is never easy. There are times I wish I would have made different decisions & I have lived a lot.... if I had to do it over again.. there are a few th9ng I might considering changing....

For the most part... I would not run from feelings, I would dive into everything that reflects humanity more no mater what the emotional cost might be. I would have allowed myself to accept a whole lot more of love in the ways of romantic love a la 20s randomness even of my 40 yr old self might say this is irresponsible...

In my 40 years of being human I have lived a life that many never have had the opportunity to live. I've been a vagabond in Europe & an expat in 2nd & 3rd world countries. I have lunched with a tyrant or two.... I have learned the art of diplomacy....

I have learned what humanity is.... I have fallen in love with the idea of family in whatever the concept is morphed out of. I have learned that family has little to do with what I in-vision and has everything to do with what God sees as family & I fully embrace my family from bio to internet.

I once fought for children & learned to fight for parents. I have seen the best & worst that humanity has to offer. I know I am repeating myself, but I want YOU to understand that I have learned family takes many shapes & forms.

I literally have wrinkles & gray hairs to solidify what I have learned about love & family. EVERY gray hair & every wrinkle I have has a story attached to it. I admit I want to tell everyone about the stories attached to the visual aging I have taken on through the years.

Turning 40 is a new chapter in my life, the rest of my life for the next decade....“Society” tells me that I should hide all the things that have shaped me into the human I am.... hide all the is wrinkled & all that is gray. But I reject that and am entering into The “40s” with an excitement that this is a new chapter in my life a book mark marking the time I stepped into another place where I was to become fully me... I embrace every wrinkle & every gray hair that I have, each one has taught me something & I refuse to hide them.

In my 40 years of living I have “hopefully” learned to dive into all the life hands you... I think I have learned to make lemon aide with the lemons lie sometimes serves. Many of the women I have walked alongside when I worked with families in a state of crisis through Safe Families are the most amazing mothers who taught me how to make lemonade when you are handed milk that is spoiled.

In many ways turning 40 is actually freeing... makes me ponder all that this life has taught me. When I was 18 I though I knew everything. The 40 years I have of life have taught me everything I need to know.

When I think I know everything, I really know nothing. #40Years