See the world through new eyes

I recently had a friend visit for a few days. Seeing the world through her eyes made me fall in love with my home all over again.

wanderlust

I have been back in the US for almost six months and am just starting to feel the lure of the road. No; that’s not true; I always feel the lure of the road. It’s more than that. I am going to fumble trying to put it into words.

It is a lifestyle that is virtually impossible to attain in the developed world where I am constantly told that I need more and I need to want more and if I don’t want a certain prescribed lifestyle of consumption, marriage, children then I are somehow deviant; not a woman; not human. No to say that the idea of having someone to grow old with doesn’t sound delicious it’s just rare to find someone whom you could possible see that happening with and even more rare that they too have an attachment to the great unknown, to a lifestyle of movement. A modern day gypsy if you will. I try to change. I try to think about living a life of domestic bliss. It really does sound wonderful, but the pull to this other way of living is to strong. It grabbed hold of my soul as a child and won’t let go. No matter how hard I try to cut it loose and find contentment in routine. I am unable to find it however hard I search.

I am starting to think that there is not a way to quench to desire of exploration, if there is would someone please tell me how? I am quite sure I could start popping pills and numb myself with prozac or some other happy pill that makes you forget, that sedates or something that just makes life look a little more colorless. Just as all people can be classified as people who ask why or how; they can further be classified by those who explore the world and those who don't.

I cannot explain what it is or why it hits but when it does I only want to flee to explore to live life in this different way. To have the freedom to move about the planet with out restraint of perceived needs. I have this desire to dig in and attempt to understand new cultures and the delight that comes with finding something new.

I tend to be a runner. I know this about myself. I get scared and I run, usually away from attachments, relationships or emotions that I don’t want to have. I have considered that I am running. I have considered that I am one of those people who just live better and thrive in a perpetual state of chaos. But my current work is chaotic and I have not truly run in years. I think now when I run I am running to things not away from them. Maybe I am running towards home or to an idea that does not exist.

I am fairly content in my current situation. My work is challenging and exciting and I have been enjoying getting to know my niece while spending quality time with my friends. In fact the older I get the deeper my roots become and the harder it is to leave and yet the ache is still there. I know that our time in this world is short. Why not enjoy it while we are here? But then I get this longing in the pit of my stomach. It is similar to home sickness only for places I have never been.

The pains of being technicolor

I am Technicolor working in a black and white office and the last few weeks have made me want to smash my head against a wall to ease the pain of frustration.

Then I realized I tend to be someone who looks at problems from a million angels while deducing the best plan of attack. I don’t know how but my simple mind tends to run quickly down a virtual path to see where each idea will lead. It might be my tendency to learn towards mania but I repeatedly find myself naturally leaning towards innovation and the use of technology long before most people.

I think my mind is always creating so if I am not taking photos I am creating new ways to do stuff in my program. Only people here don’t seem to like that. The prevailing attitude is that we have never done things that way, why should we do something new?

What I don’t get is how they could adapt the innovating program I am working to implement and yet refuse to try new ways of getting people involved.

I need coffee and Advil to stop this pounding in my head.

Training Review

I have been working with a company to develop web based training for my volunteer families. It's looking good but I am sick of reviewing it, it is making my head hurt. I have to watch it from multiple angels and perspectives.

I have a headache and need coffee.

1984 in your face

Hello Orwellian Prophecy

If i had not read this direct from the white house blog I would have thought for sure it was fanatical paranoia in a chain email, a spoof or freedoms worst nightmare. In fact someone posted a link to a columnist and it seemed so far fetched I decided to investigate. I am floored by what I found and cannot even fathom living in a country where we the people or our representatives have been asked to act as informers as to what we email or through causal conversation in regards to the presidents health care plan.

We live in a country that preaches rights, freedom and democracy but while we sleep blinded by our own fears our government is slowly chipping away at all that we once stood for. The government just asked us to report on each other for stating our beliefs.

I understand the annoyance the chiefs must feel with paranoid and fear inducing fiction that comprises most Netlore. But we CANNOT just submit to the powers that be and turn each other in for voicing our opinions. After all it is opinion and the white house signed up for the job of running this country and all of the headaches that come along with it.

I am sure that the governments "intent" is not to monitor its citizens but if we allow this type of door to creep open when will it stop? How will the information be used in the future will we start being offed at the polls because we speak in opposition?

Now is not the time to be silent, it is the time to use your voice in any way that you can.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/Facts-Are-Stubborn-Things/

Cows

A friend of mine sent out a message on facebook asking us if we all wanted to chip in for a cow to buy for a family in Uganda. It took about four hours for us to all chip in. So my friends and I just bought a cow to give to a family in northern uganda. it was so fast and easy why doesnt all funding come with that much ease?

Remebering Uganda

The Uganda Leadership team at my church decided to host a BBQ for everyone who has ever been or might be interested in going is invited. I am supposed to be putting together a video of all the trips and giving some info on other projects that have been going on.

I think I am subconsciously putting it off because I am a little bit worried about what it might do to my mental state and what sort of feelings it might dredge up.